The World's Greatest Deceased Person
If you thought Chuck Norris was the greatest peson ever, then you are wrong.
That title now belongs to Bill Mays.
The following is actual and true in the best of all things actual and true:
Here is for everyone wondering when the second coming is gonna happen.
IT ALREADY DID! All of you missed it and now your chance is gone. Billy Mays WAS the second coming and all everyone
did was mock him for being loud and having a kickass beard. This here is photographic evidence that OxiClean was in
fact sold by Jesus before the crucifixtion, he used this opportunity to tell people about the Lord.
When he was reborn on this plane on July 20, 1958, no-one had any clue as to what had just happened. When he finally
made his precense known he was, like in the past, ridiculed for his beliefs and style of selling things and only a
few people (the True believers) knew what was going on.
When he died, the world became darker and more evil.
Photograph by Ansel Adams
Here are some pictures that were found during an archaeological dig near Cairo:
This is a man studying the ancient texts of the Maysonites:
A portion of the scroll had been deciphered and this is what it reads:
The Holy Book of Lord Mays
The Seventh Seal -- the Trumpets
1 When Mays broke the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.
2 And I saw the seven angels who stand before Mays, and seven Power Juicers were given to them.
3 Another angel came and stood at the altar, holding a golden censer; and much OrangeGlo was given to him, so that he might add it to the prayers of all the saints on the golden altar which was before the throne.
4 And the smoke of the OrangeGlo, with the prayers of the saints, went up before Mays out of the angel's hand.
5 Then the angel took the censer and filled it with the fire of the altar, and threw it to the earth; and there followed peals of thunder and sounds and flashes of lightning and an earthquake.
6 And the seven angels who had the seven Power juicers prepared themselves to juice.
7 The first juiced, and there came stains and a greasy mess, mixed with blood, and they were thrown to the earth; and a third of the earth was made dirty, and a third of the trees were burned up, and all the green grass was burned up.
8 The second angel juiced, and something like a great mountain burning with fire was thrown into the sea; and a third of the sea became Mighty Putty,
9 and a third of the infomercial salesmen which were in the sea and had life, died; and a third of their products were destroyed.
10 The third angel juiced, and a great product fell from heaven, burning like a torch, and it fell on a third of the rivers and on the springs of waters.
11 The name of the product is called Zorbeez; and a third of the waters became dry, and many men died, because they were absorbed.
12 The fourth angel juiced, and the Great Handy Switch was turned off, so that a third of the world would be darkened and the day would not shine for a third of it, and the night in the same way.
13 Then I looked, and I heard Jack LaLane flying in midheaven, saying with a loud voice, "Woe, woe, woe to those who dwell on the earth, because of the remaining blasts of the Power Juicer of the three angels who are about to juice!"
